Homage to my Dad!!

It's been a while since I blogged. This is one of the hardest things I'm trying to write. It is hard since I lost my dad recently. My dad passed away on the 27th of February this year.

Where should one start when it is your parent who passed on. There are so many great memories which words don't do justice in describing them.

Let me start at the very beginning. I remember when I was little we lived in Hyderabad in a building called T.V. Nivas. I remember my mom making hot lunch right in the morning and she would serve it to my dad on a small folding table. It used to be a piping hot meal. To cool it down we used to use a small portable fan. My dad would eat it before he left for work. Also every morning right after his bath my dad would offer his prayers to God. On Saturdays he would chant Suprabhatam to Lord Venkateshwara. I also remember fondly the days my dad got his paycheck. We all would know it was his pay day because on every pay day he made sure he got all of us sweets (either doodh peda or jilebi) and something savoury. I always used to swap my savoury stuff with sweet from my eldest sister Sharada. She loved spicy stuff and I on the other hand loved sweets.

My dad lost his dad at a very early age (in his 20's). That put lot of responsibilities on him. Other than taking care of his four daughters, he also had to take care of his 6 sisters. Only 2 of his sisters were married at the time when my dad's dad passed away. So my dad took it upon himself to get the rest of his sisters married and saw to it that they settled down. Then came the responsibility of taking care of his own daughters. I remember in those days when anybody found out we were 4 girls, they immediately would make some comment like, God it must be hard on you guys. It is so expensive to get them married (thinking we would pay dowry when we got married) and so on .... But both our parents never made us feel that we were any less or any different. My dad not once made a comment which would put a doubt in our minds, that we could achieve what we wanted. He constantly encouraged us. Always giving us a positive feedback.

When I was in my 9th grade we moved to Bangalore from Hyderabad. It was not an easy move since we all had to get admissions in new schools and colleges. Also those were the critical years for education. However my parents made it seem so smooth and enjoyable. They always focused on the positives. Whatever needed to be done my dad would just do it instead of getting stressed out. I went to MES college Bangalore for my 12th grade. It was one of the top colleges in Bangalore at that time for those grades. The reason I got into MES college is because of my dad's perseverance. It was no joke getting into that college. Just high marks in 10th grade was not enough to get there. However my dad made innumerable trips to the Principal's place to convince him that I was a good student and should be given a chance. They did take me. I ended up getting 460th rank in Engineering Entrance exam. My parents were very proud of me. I owe it all to my dad for getting me that seat in MES college.

Next four years I did my Engineering at BIT, Bangalore. I remember an incident in my first year of Engineering. I was preparing for my Mechanical Engineering Exam and we had 2 big fat books to learn. I could only get through one of the books and it was almost 8 pm. The next morning was my final exam. I was so frustrated and started crying since I was in no position to finish both the books. My dad instead of scolding me for not preparing in advance, was so calm and he told me to do my best of what I can and use my time wisely. That made me calm down and I made a decision to read only 1 book and leave the other one out. I went to the exam the next day, I noticed that they changed the pattern of the exam that year for my good. Though I read only one book I could still answer the required number of questions and scored 85 out of 100. So my dad really helped me by giving me the right advice at the right time. Instead of stressing me out he calmed me down which worked out for my good.

My dad was big time into sports. So all of us in our house got into sports. We were all great fans of cricket. It would be so intense when we were watching India versus Pakistan matches. It was always great fun when India won the match of course. Also we would watch the Tennis matches and Soccer. I remember when Soccer was being telecast in India it used to be at odd hours. Late in the night or very early hours. My dad would stay up late just to watch Soccer.

My parents made sure we all are well educated. I have done my Masters in Engineering from a U.S. university. Rest of my sisters are all very well educated too. I remember whenever we visited India and when it was time to come back my dad would go out and buy tons of stuff for us to bring back. Sweets, snacks, spices, books and countless other things. I would be like "nannagaru there is absolutely no place left to pack" and his immediate response would be "just try, I'm sure you can fit it in".

Whenever we needed help my parents were always ready. The last trip my dad made to US was when I found out I was pregnant. I was due on Aug 31st, 2007. So my parents arrived on July 3rd, 2007. First thing in the morning my parents would go to meditation classes. My dad seemed full of energy and he would go for his morning walks and meet some of his friends at the Evergreen Village Square. He would help my mom out with cutting vegetables (which he would do so meticulously). He was spending time with my daughter Hrishika helping her with some Math workbooks. He would accompany me for my walks in the evening. He kept himself very busy. We were all waiting for August 31st, my due date.

On August 4th, 2007 my parents and my husband threw a very special "Surprise baby shower" for me. They invited all our friends and made it a day to remember. My good friend from Engineering, Meena even baked a cake for my baby shower. My cousin Stuthi conducted some fun games. All in all it was a very memorable day. It is more special to me because I got to celebrate it with my dad.

One day I just noticed that my dad's eyes looked yellow. I didn't think much about it then. He too said it seemed yellow. Then we thought he should get checked by a doctor, all the while thinking it was something simple like Jaundice. So my dad went to the doctor and she did some tests and she said that he needed some more check ups.

On August 25th was Raksha Bhandhan. So my uncle Gowri Kumar and his wife made a visit to our home, so my mom could tie a Rakhi to her brother. It was a tradition in our family. Unexpectedly even my husbands' sister's family showed up too. So she tied a Rakhi to Rao and so on. Then we all had dinner and we were chatting. Suddenly something felt funny. I went to the bathroom and realized that my water broke. So immediately my husband and I rushed to the hospital and I was admitted for delivery.

The next morning I delivered a baby boy. I found out that my dad too was admitted in the county hospital for further examination. After couple of days I returned home with the baby. My dad was still at the hospital. He came home after 5 days. He looked very pale and weak. I could not control my tears, when I saw my dad so weak. He looked very tired. He was given lot of medication. Still my dad managed to smile through all that and said he was OK. I said he didn't look like my dad with overgrown beard. So next morning he shaved and said, " tell me how do I look now? Do I look like your dad?". I said most certainly.

The doctors had advised that he leave for India immediately for further treatment. So in a hurry Rao changed their tickets and my parents left the very next day. That was the last time I got to speak to my dad in person.

Next day they reached Bangalore and my sister Kalyani was already waiting for them in Bangalore and had made arrangements for his admission in Manipal hospital. So he was taken straight from airport to the hospital. I have to say my Mom did a superb job of taking my dad to India all by herself. It was no easy task.

The next few months I was in constant touch with my parents through phone. My dad was in and out of hospital for various procedures. It was a tough time for everybody to see my dad go through all this. My dad always put a brave front. Whenever I got a chance to chat with him on the phone and ask him how he was doing, his answer was always the same, "I'm OK". Never once did I hear my dad complain about a single thing, even when he had to endure so much pain from all those various procedures. My sister's Sharada and Kalyani took turns to be on my dad's side when he needed them the most. They are so lucky to have gotten to spend all that precious time with him.

In January of 2008 my parents made a very tough decision to go to Hyderabad to see a doctor in a reputed hospital to undergo a very important surgery. Once my dad went through that surgery he could not completely recover. His body was too weak by then, with all those previous surgeries he went through.

On February 22nd I received a call from India asking us to come right away. First thing we did was to apply for an Indian visa for my son, Harshul who was just 6 months old at that time and my husband went to San Francisco the same day to get the visa stamped. We left for India on Monday, February 25th and arrived midnight of Tuesday February 26th. My little sister Malathi and her family too arrived on the same day an hour later than us. We went directly from the airport to the hospital where my dad was admitted.

When I saw my dad that night at the hospital, my heart sank. He was hooked up to all that machinery for oxygen, water etc. He didn't look anything like what I remember of him. It was almost like looking at a stranger. He was just skin and bones. I cried a lot. I could not control my tears. It was one of the hardest moments in my life. After spending sometimeI had to head to my sister Kalyani's home to shower and take care of my son's needs. I fed him some Gerber rice cereal and handed him over to my husband.

All my sisters and my mom's sister Padmaja we all headed back to the hospital in the early hours (around 4 a.m. or so) of February 27th. We left all our kids with our husbands at my sister's home. Once we got there we were all very sad to see my dad in that condition. Then my aunt Padmaja gave us a brilliant idea. She said, "All of you take turns and tell your dad what you want to from your heart. He is definitely listening. He just can't respond back". We took that idea to heart and took turns and spoke to our dad. Instead of just crying, we actually started telling him all we wanted to say to him. For that I have to thank my aunt.

After couple of hours or so my mom ( it was I who convinced her to go home to just get a short break. She was by my dad's side all through out.), my aunt, my sister Kalyani and I returned home to take care of kids. My sisters Sharada and Malathi stayed back at the hospital. Later that morning we got the dreaded news. At that time in my mind I felt that it was the right thing. I could not see him in the state he was in. I felt that the soul had to be set free from that body. I know in my heart that my dad was waiting patiently as always for my sister Malathi and I. He gave us that most important opportunity to meet him one final time. For that I will be forever indebted to him.

Thank you nannagaru from the bottom of my heart. Your presence is always felt in my heart.